just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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