apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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