the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize