Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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