I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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