doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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Send help, water and tortillas.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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