You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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