were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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