i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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