I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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