allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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