The maid of honor just puked.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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