I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just pee glitter
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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