omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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