none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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