I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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