just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You took a bar mat shot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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