hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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