What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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