When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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