u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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