he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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