walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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