No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I could fuck to npr.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize