Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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