words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize