She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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