my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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