You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize