Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize