I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize