i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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