Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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