You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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