I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize