Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.

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  (804): my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go. http://tfl.nu/0t5u
  Replies (26) Good night (4428) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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  (514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou
  Replies (15) Good night (4708) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.

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  (248): I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial. http://tfl.nu/t70i
  Replies (12) Good night (6998) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12521) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.

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  (216): ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time. http://tfl.nu/5061
  Replies (6) Good night (974) Bad night (4022) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

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  (706): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj. http://tfl.nu/1t4c
  Replies (23) Good night (5453) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob

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  (406): you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob http://tfl.nu/ha8t
  Replies (9) Good night (2761) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog

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  (570): Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog http://tfl.nu/bwn1
  Replies (9) Good night (463) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him

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  (610): Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him http://tfl.nu/y954
  Replies (2) Good night (959) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't answer my phone I'm at work

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities

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  (339): I can't answer my phone I'm at work (781): I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities http://tfl.nu/qhjl
  Replies (5) Good night (1534) Bad night (354)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  We are the best.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ps. We need to take the garbage out.

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  (250): Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job. (1-250): We are the best. (250): Ps. We need to take the garbage out. http://tfl.nu/i0yw
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (313)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

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  (540): It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces... http://tfl.nu/y5ts
  Replies (6) Good night (1623) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?

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  (954): I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it? http://tfl.nu/xt0t
  Replies (1) Good night (651) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations

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  (413): Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations http://tfl.nu/s70c
  Replies (2) Good night (191) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates

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  (603): You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates http://tfl.nu/ztgg
  Replies (2) Good night (465) Bad night (119) Order T-Shirt

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