god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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