I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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