I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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