I can text with my tongue
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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