i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone came in the potted fern
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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