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I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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