Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
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