You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
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I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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