Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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