Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
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