no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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