I met the friendliest cop last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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