so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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