i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
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I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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